the things we think but do not say

I don’t even know where to begin with this one.

Can you imagine how awkward it would be to come over for dinner (presumably for the first time) and find standing next to the dining table is this blistering example high style? The bottles fit in ‘his’ freakin’ legs for goodness sakes. Seriously, if I ever meet a ‘Francophile’ that has one of these in their house, I walk. I’ll look for the nearest sortie and never regarder de retour.

I mean come on. Who is buying this rubbish? Who is falling for this faux French, “Oh I do love the Bordeaux region this time of year” bollocks? Do good, honest, hard working Americans really think that saying tres makes anything feel more French? Does anyone in France even wear berets anymore? Maybe they have then in storage next to their horizontally striped long sleeve tops.

Wearing a beret, does not a French man make!

But enough from me, I should let mon ami Henri, speak for himself.

A Wine Rack Extraordinaire!
Our tres french floor model Henri holds up to 14 bottles of your favorite vin, plus 4 stem glasses and towels (not included). A 10″ glass top tray is perfect for pouring. The Henri Tabletop holds one bottle at the perfect angle for proper storage. In black-finish wrought iron. $119.00 plus s+h.

During my weekend home in Chicago, I went to a small show in Wicker Park called the Renegade Craft Fair where I find this wonderful store called Imperfect Articles. They sell lots of lovely tee shirts, one of which I’m modeling here in the photo. This one is designed by Cody Hudson. Patrick Swayze is classic 90s cheese. There was a point in his career where he could do no wrong. A killer ‘three-fer’ of “Dirty Dancing”, “Road House” and the his seminal work, “Ghost”. But really, isn’t he really just an ironic slogan for a tee shirt these days? Well for some he is more.

I’ve been traveling for the last couple of weeks and today I flew down to Orlando, FL, to do some research for my new project. As I exit the terminal looking for a cab, I see a mature woman working the taxi rank. Her hair looks tired of being dyed. She calls a cab for me and then eyes my tee shirt.

“Patrick Swayze, huh? As in the actor?”
“Yeah.” I don’t know what to say. It didn’t seem to be the right time to say ‘it’s an ironic comment on post 90s pop culture’.

“You like him then, huh?”
“Yeah. I’m a fan.” I lie. I’m tired.

“I just got the DVD of that dancin’ movie. I think it’s one of my all time favourites.”
“I’m the president of the Chicago chapter fan club.” I don’t know where this came from, but I’m going with it.

“Really? Well, that’s understandable. He’s amazing. He’s such a great dancer!”
“I know. We all think he’s great.”

“Do you know if he’s working on a new picture? You know, one with more dancin’?”
At this point I’ve got her eating out of my hand. I pause for a second and my eyes shift from side to side.

“Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but he’s working on a sequel to Dirty Dancing right now”
“He is?! Oh I hope there lots of dancin’ ”

At this point the taxi driver arrives and carries my bags. I start to leave with him, my new friend agog with joy. I shout back at her, “You didn’t hear this from me, ok?”

I get in the cab and smile to myself. My work here is done.

Imperfect Articles can be found here.

In stark contrast to my previous post, this one is joyfully pleasent and full of love.

This weekend, in a small town near Ann Arbor, Michigan, my good friends Dickon and Jeanne got married. And I was honoured to be one of the guests and their photographer. I say photograher as by the end of the event I was the official photographer, but when I arrived I wasn’t sure if I was it.

Just two days before the wedding (at Heathrow Terminal 3) I get an email on my phone (my phone’s bad ass like that) and it’s the groom. He asks me, very nicely, if I would be able to take some photos for the wedding. “You know, just a few pics of the family.” Naturally, I reply that I’d be honoured to do it, just as long as I’m not the only photographer. I mean come on, I’ve never photographed someone’s wedding before! So I agree, as long as I’m the back up photographer.

It’s now the morning of the wedding and I’ve still not heard a peep from the groom. No reply to the email. No returned calls to my voicemails asking who the other photographer will be. Nothing. I’m starting to suspect that there might be only one photographer. Ol’ muggins here. So I pack with me, just in case, a second 1Gb card, and a 60mm f2.8 Nikkor lens in addition to the 1Gb card and 35mm f2 I own.

So after a four hour drive, we arrive at the wedding with the other guests, dressed in suit and tie, idly carrying my Nikon D70 like a tourist. And as I walk up to the chapel, I look around for the photograher that I’m still naively expecting to show up. And then when the minister comes up to me and says “Ah, so you must be the photographer”.

Shit.

So from then on, I become the photographer and it’s as simple as that. All in all, the wedding was lovely. The bride looked fabulous and the whole affair was sweet, loving and charming. Just like they should be. Maybe I should do more of this thing?

And if you’re wondering, the photos from the wedding are below. I hope they like ‘em!

Isaacs and Ragan Wedding, Livonia MI, Sept 17th 2005. Part 1.
Isaacs and Ragan Wedding, Livonia MI, Sept 17th 2005. Part 2.

Seemingly out of character, this is a rather serious review of a very serious subject. I was home in England to see my parents this last week and over the week I got stuck into a new book, called “Auschwitz. The Nazis And The Final Solution”. And it’s devastating.

In my on going journey through my life, I often look for ways to better understand the human condition, understand what are the motivations behind our actions and behaviours. But something that has remained an enigma in history to me is the Holocaust and the phenomena of ‘Holocaust deniers’. How could this tragedy have occured?

To me, taking a position of denying that the Holocaust occurred is unfathomable. Arguments of, ‘it’s all a hoax’ or ‘the numbers are grossly exaggerated’ or even worse, ‘it’s all so old now, who really cares about what happened in the war’ are often quoted. To me, growing up knowing about the atrocities that occurred from history lessons, occasional references to it through from TV and generally accepting it be fact, was all very well understood I thought. To refute that it never happened is like saying that the world is flat and is at the centre of the universe.

But the enormous amount of human emotion that surrounds the story of Auschwitz and the other concentration camps that quikcly became death camps, always meant that it was never easy to talk about and ask for explanations. But with this book, Laurence Rees, has objectively analyzed the reasons, the motivations and methods of the Nazi’s ‘Final Solution’. Although he is a renown scholar and historian, he never loses sight of the emotional impact of the events and through many personal interviews and memoirs, he describes and explains just what went on. Like I said, it’s a devastating read. One night as I put down the book at the start of the chapter titled, ‘Frenzied Killing’ (as if everything to that point had been rather leisurely slaughter), I knew that I would have trouble sleeping. And I did.

So many examples of huge conflicts of interest existed through this time. Everyone that was touched by this war was constantly being thrown into situations where a conflict of interests arises, that more often than not involved that individual’s survival. To describe these events as tragic is like saying ‘committing suicide is admitting that you’re having a bad day’.

If you’ve any interest in understanding with clarity the morbidly remarkable events of this time, I would highly recommend this book.

I read Skymall magazine for many reasons. Sometimes its because I’m bored out my mind waiting on a runway to take off. Sometimes its because I have a haven’t written a post in a while and need some new material. And then sometimes its because I have a little friend that’s in need of a nice new pair of booties. And on this latest trip, the moons were in alignment or something, because all my wishes were answered.

Now where do I begin with this one? Who in their right mind would do such an blantant act of animal abuse as to subject ‘man’s best friend’ to four crap high tops as these? What is going on here people?

I think that making your pets wear rediculous outfits like this is as bad as other common forms of abuse; like making them wear sunglasses, or wear little jackets in the winter. This madness has got to stop!

If you don’t believe nature and evolution are not working their magic (ie, your dog having perfectly functional paws) then get your Fetchers here. They’re only $29.99. As always, the original writing is below:

FETCHERS are the original dog shoes to the stars!
FETCHERS, the only brand handcrafted with high quality leather, rubber sole, rear zipper and Velcro strap for the best fit and most comfort. FETCHERS protect your loved ones from high temperature pavement, ground debris, bacteria and winter conditions. So protect your loved ones with their very own set of four FETCHERS!

After years of suffering my old crap phone and my old crap carrier, I’ve finally upgraded to my nice new celly: the Audiovox SMT 5600. This phone is the smallest, thinnest smart phone on the market*, and I love it. (Incidentally, it’s not made by Audiovox, but a contract manufacturer called HTC, who sells it to multiple carriers and regions worldwide.)

Since I organize most of my life through MS Outlook and my work has Exchange server, it seamlessly ties all the pieces of my life together; email and txt messages, calendaring, to do lists, etc.

But the best part of owning this phone is finally having the holy grail of telecoms; having a single, synchronized, contact list. This is hardly ground breaking news to any one has had a PDA in the last five years, but after feeling like a chump with my old phone (that didn’t even have a interface between the text messaging and my phone book!) I feel so blessed.

A couple of other benefits:

It’s small and it doesn’t look like I’m pressing a small paper back book to my face when I try to call. Seen anyone talk into a blackberry? Yeah, you guessed it. You look like a twat.

It’s inexpensive. I got mine from ‘younevercall.com‘ which ironically has a very good telephone based customer service. And in addition, they have a site called ‘whereismyorder.com’ to track your order. nice domain names, huh?

The battery life is good for a few days at a time.

I think it’s time my old phone takes a trip down to the woodshop where the band saw sits…

*Check Engadget or Gizmodo for daily updates on how out of date this statement becomes.