the things we think but do not say

Wow. I just found this on this buried somewhere deep on the Skymall website. I’ve copied and pasted the text for your benefit.

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Looking to turn a new page on your career? Think the Bard’s work is good, but yours is better? Have you ever read a cliche but thought you could give it some cache? Well today is your lucky day.

Skymall, the best selling “in flight” and online retail experience is looking for exciting new writers to join our top notch writing team in phenomenal, Phoenix, AZ. Like a bird rising from the ashes (of your English degree) you too can make a living from writing. That’s write!

Our thoroughbred writing studs are like a who’s who of English graduates* from places like Harvard**, Yale*** and Stanford****! We know the best because we are the most best.

Ever think about going on a caffeine fueled rampage at your next ‘town hall’ meeting? Or wanted to staple all you co-workers’ mouths shut from all the inane drivel they talk about at the water cooler? Well, our writing staff haven’t done anything like that yet (fingers crossed!) but that’s because we’re confident that our great benefits package is the best in the whole world.

Complete health coverage, using the latest in Feng-shui, Kung-Pao and Mu-shu techniques, so all our associates are in tip-top shape. (Skymall does not endorse the use of MSG in any of it’s offices.)

Lots of 401(k) stuff. Can you spell b-o-r-i-n-g? Let’s get back to your crazy benefits package…

Full access to the most advanced health equipment this side of the planet. Like the Resistance Chair with an easy-paced, low-impact exercise program you can add years of health, happiness and vitality.

And finally, peace of mind knowing that tens of people a day visit our website, and are getting the best value for their products. While keeping our clients personal information Private, their transactions Secure and their satisfaction Satisfied. Now, who can put a price on that?!

Some experience with writing, reading, and general comprehension a plus.
Bonus points (and gold stars!) if you can provide writing samples from “The Sharper Image”, “Hammacher Schlemmer” or “The Gadget Universe”.

So why wait another moment. Send your application, (written by yourself) to:

SkyMall, Inc.
Airline Marketing
1520 E. Pima Street
Phoenix, AZ 85034
Attn: “Next big thing to hit Arizona #332″

* Graduating from high school class of 03-04
**Harvard, Idaho.
***Yale, South Dakota,
****Stanford, Kentucky.
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I’m a passionate fan of hip hop and all that comes with it. I understand that with the good comes the bad. For every Biggie, there’s a Chingy. And for every EPMD, there are the Ying Yang Twins. But for all the years that I’ve listened and head nodded to, I’ve always struggled to explain what hip hop is. KRS once said, ‘Rap is something you do, hip hop is something you live,’ which is great if your life is hip hop (like Kris’ clearly should be). But for a Burmese/English Chicagoan that likes to bump 9th Wonder on his iPod, I need it broken down in more practical terms.

Sometime last year, I came across an album by Abdominal and DJ Fase called “Flowtation Device” on PIAS (Play It Again Sam, UK.) The album’s songs are quite tongue in cheek, but a track called “Slow and deliberate” managed to explain what I love about hip hop music. And the message here folks, is to not take it too seriously.

“Class, you may have noticed in the chorus how I mentioned my name,
and did the same for DJ Fase and went on to explain
our respective roles within this little entity.
How he’s the DJ, whereas I’m the MC.

See now this is not unusual, in fact it’s common practice
for the content of the song to refer back to the action
of making the song, like reflecting on the process.
And I guess my dad put it best when he said,
“your hip-hop’s always about hip-hop”.

To which I reply, “actually Pop, that’s not entirely true.”
We also have some more conceptual songs,
but then again, you’re not entirely wrong.

See rappers like to rap about the act of rapping,
in particular, how good they are at rapping.
Which I’ll admit sounds potentiall monontonous,
however, put in practice, it’s often just the opposite.

Picture a jazz man playing a jazz standard,
the simple melody acts like a parameter.
We’ve all heard the tune like a million times,
so the art for the jazzer lies in trying to find
the new ways to creatively put his twist on it,
same way we rock mics on the same topic.
Namely the topic of rocking mics.”

Listen to the track here.

When I was a young ‘un wondering what I was going to do at college, I had a fairly naive understanding of what design was all about. I was sure that product design (as it’s more commonly called in England) was all about sketching swoopy crap kettles, irons and hair dryers. At the time, design to me equaled horrible cheap injection molded plastic. And to be brutally honest, after I finished my degree in Engineering Design, I still held that opinion.

It was only when I moved to London and started working in design, did someone that was the most design focused person I’d met to that point. He showed me a book that changed everything. AppleDesign, probably taught me more about design than my four years at college ever did. Thank you James.

Written by Paul Kunkel, with photographs by Rick English, it showed me how a group of designers can pay such meticulous attention to the use, the form and the overall logic of a product. It blew my mind back then and it’s still a serves as reference for me today.

The book is structured into two parts, one text based the other pictorial, with hundreds of photographs of models, sketches and finished products. My favourite concept was called Jonathan by Hartmut Esslinger (in 1985) that created an architecture for a computer that allowed you to build the computer you needed ‘brick’ by ‘brick’. A recent Microsoft/IDSA (student) winner for a multi media centre called ‘Bookshelf’ looks heavily inspired by it . I wonder if any of the IDSA judges noticed the blatant reference.

From the writing and the photos, you can see just how damn good those guys were back then. And this is the thing, the design team members at Apple have somehow managed to be so consistently good that they have the most enviable reputation out there.

But the team members over the years have changed with different stars at different times. Just looking at the list of people who have worked for Apple as consultant or in house designer is like reading a list of the most influential designers in the whole business.

Hartmut Essingler (founder of frog design) was hired as a consultant by Apple in 1982 to create a design language known as “Snow White” which has classics like the Macintosh II and theMac SE. He was the corporate design manager until around 1989. He later went on to work on the Next Computer for Steve Jobs. He continues to run frog design, which is now co-owned by Flextronics.

Bob Brunner ran the design team at Apple in 1990 and assembled a world class design team, hiring Daniele DeIuliis, Tim Parsey and Jonathan Ives. He is now a partner at Pentagram in SF.

Tim Parsey, worked as studio manager for Apple in 1991 to the mid 1990s. He went on to become the VP of design at Acco, then VP of design at Motorola, and is now VP of design at Mattel.

Ray Riley, worked with Bob Brunner from 1989 and left Apple in 1995. He now runs the Explore group at Nike.

Jonathan Ive, founded Tangerine in London in 1990. Was hired by Apple in 1992 (when he was 25!), designing the Twentieth Anniversary Mac in 1996. He took over after Brunner’s departure, and is now Senior VP of design at Apple. Has led the design group at Apple to become one of the most important teams in design history.

Steve Jobs, founder of Apple. Credited with Jerry Manock (probably the least known designer in the world) for designing the first Macintosh computer. Hired Hartmut Esslinger in 1982. Left Apple in 1985 going on to found Next Computer Inc (which is the inspiration behind a lot of OS X) and Pixar in 1996. Returned to Apple in 1997 as interim CEO. Lead Apple into the status of cultural icon.

Printed in 1997, before Ive’s influence was really felt publicly, the book is unfortunately now out of print. It can be found used for $125-$185 at places like Amazon or Abe books.

As a side note, Paul Kunkel went on to write a similar book called Digital Dreams : The Work of the Sony Design Center.

Have you Ricky Gervais’ new show on HBO called, “Extras“?

Remember “The Office” and all those painful, fist in your mouth, achingly long moments of embarrassment the you saw, well extend that into a 30 minute show and you’ll have a typical episode of Extras. It’s now out on HBO as is the new US version of the Office on NBC.

I watched a few episodes of the Extras with my girlfriend and some mates one night and I had to get up to get a drink. When I walked back to the sofa, I could see this gallery of faces agog and wincing; slightly stunned by what was on screen. Funny to me, is seeing someone like the Andy Millman’s agent, Darren Lamb, struggling to answer his phone with a bluetooth headset.

It really is some of the best television around.

But this is not what this post is about. It’s just background. The real purpose of this post is to get your attention to Ricky Gervais’ new show, sponsored by The Guardian (a UK newspaper). It’s free, there’s twelve episodes in total and we’re about half way through.

The format is simple.
Ricky and Stephen say something.
Karl says something in response.
Ricky says ‘You’re talking bollocks’.
Hilarity ensues.

I think I cried from laughing for about 20 minutes straight when I heard the first one. Listening to the show while riding the El, I’ve made myself look like a nutter giggling manically for no apparent reason.

There’s pretty much nothing scripted, with the only regular ‘feature’ being Monkey News which is perfect Karl Pilkington domain. Now where do I begin explaining Karl Pilkington. Is he an idiot savant, or just an idiot? Somewhere between a fully grown school boy and a petri dish of stem cells, lies his comic genius.

This show has made my life richer.

Be warned; if you’re not au fais with rich English dialects (or just strong Mancunian accents) then some of it might get missed. Thankfully BBC America have thoughtfully put together a slang dictionary for situations like this.

So go to the Guardian to listen to the show. Or go to the iTunes music store to subscribe.

Have you heard this one? It’s good. It goes like this: a hip young telecom company, we’ll call them Cingular, goes and buys out another much older, staid telecom company, we’ll call them AT&T, and kills off the newly acquired brand. ‘Cause, who really cares about AT&T anyway. It’s so landline.

Cingular then makes a nice new ad campaign ‘informing its users’ of the new change with a nice new logo featuring Cingular’s little blobby fella, and the old Pantone referenced blue of the newly acquired AT&T.
Everyone’s happy. Except all the AT&T customers who are now dumped onto Cingular’s call centres who have no idea what cell phone plans exist from the new 50 millions users on their books.

Then from out of nowhere, a third telecoms company, we’ll call them SBC, goes and buys out Cingular! (Actually, SBC used to be call Ameritech I think.)

But this is the best bit. SBC decides to resurrect the AT&T brand back from the dead, similar to how undead zombies infect all those around them, cursing them to walk the line between the living and eternally damned. You then end up with yet another brand rework (it’s all ‘friendly’ and lower case now) and a whole bunch of people completely confused as to who’s paying who’s bill anymore.

Do you remember in the Bible how people are constantly begetting each other; Moses begat Jacob and he begat Saleh and she begat Salem etc etc. Well the telecoms takeover market sounds just like that.

Come on guys, a new logo does not a brand make. That’s why I’m coining a new term, Brandsturbation. Verb. The constant branding and rebranding of a company after multiple rounds or mergers and acquisitions.

Since it seems all the rage these days, I thought I’d prepare a logo and brand strategy for the inevitable, unannounced, takeover of at&t in 2007.

May I present to you,

“Genericom. We’ve forgotten our own brand, so you don’t have to.”

I usually don’t like to making content from someone else’s content, but of late, there’s been lots of goodies that I just gotta share.

Thanks to Jason Feifer (of Happy Scrappy fame) for posting this first, “A bettr pictr searchr“.

As if there weren’t enough good reasons to love Flickr already, some super smarty arty has created a working prototype of a sketch based image retrieval system that interrogates Flickr’s databases for results. And the results are wild.

Draw some thing on the left and the results based on that sketch show up on the right.

I quietly shit myself when I saw this in action. It appears to be searching from a fixed subset of Flickr images (as opposed to the entire, perpetually growing database) and then I can only guess that it’s searching on RGB pixel values and ratios.

retrievr.

Word to your respective mothers.

If you’re in the world of industrial design, particularly in the USA, then you’ll probably have heard of the IDSA. The Industrial Designers Society of America have an electronic newsletter that gets mailed to all its memebers each month. Can a society exist without one of these badly written ‘news’ letters. Apprently not. Especially the ones that take themselves very seriously.

Well I don’t have too much beef with the IDSA (in fact I met my girlfriend there) but did anyone else notice that their newsletter is having a go at all our beloved profession, every time?

Design bites. I know! Tell me about it.

Come on fellas! Doesn’t anyone say these titles out loud before making it part of the brand strategy?

As it happens, my girlfriend was invited in a super geeky technology/business contest at Stanford some time last year. The contest was trying to find innovative business models that used technology to help those in need in third world countries. Lots of nerdy engineers and awkward business types. The name of the contest?

“The Social-E Challenge.”

I don’t think anyone else noticed the irony. Shame.

Do consumer electronics live at an accelerated rate, a little like dogs and cats? It seems that they live more like humming birds, since 3 years seems to be the most that most people either keep their gadgets, or they break, are neglected or sold on. The sad thing is that it costs as much to buy the replacement model (of which they’ll be two of) than it is to repair it.

Are consumer electronics made to be disposable? $300 for a freaking mp3 player is hardly disposable. How long has this 3 year life cycle been around? And why does everyone just accept it? Strange huh?

My gadget history:
My old Samsung cell phone: 2 years and hated every minute of it
Old iPod: 3 years. loved every minute of it.
Sony s70 digital camera (before the Nikon D70): 1 year before it stopped working and died.
Palm Visor: 6 months before I stopped using it ‘cause the Palm OS sucks.
Nintendo Gamecube: 1 year before it was stolen from my flat, but it was within 3 months before I just got plain tired of it.
Old Palm III: 1.5 years before I got tired of losing my contacts whenever I changed the AAA batteries.

Just before I paid foy my new iPod with video, the sales guy at BestBuy asked me if I wanted the $50 service warranty to cover everything in case of failure for up to 3 years. I thought about it for a sec. Then I bought it. 3 years is a really long time in the world of consumer electronics.

My faithful old friend, my white little travel partner, from train, to plane, from bus ride, to el, from block to block, to travelling in the car, you were always with me.

After three long years of relentless service, my iPod is dead. In the last year of his life, he started to show slight signs of Parkinson’s, forgetting that I had just recharged him. And over the years, I guess I could have taken better care of his shiny coat. It’s not what it used to be.

And even though there were many like him around town, he was mine. And only mine.

Good bye old friend. I’ll miss you.

If you like to listen to rubbish RnB radio in your car, then you’ll likely have come across this rediculous song called “Magic”, by Charlie Wilson. Despite his managers’, his fans’, his family and his close friends’ best advice, Charlie released the cheesiest song known to man. It’s just sooooooo bad.

A lot of soulful love songs have a lot of cheese built in. Imagine being ‘trapped in the closet’ with R Kelly. Lots of ‘hey girl”, “hey baby”, “hey baby girl”, and “hey girly baby”. I can accept that. The other thing is that Charlie Wilson is a former member of the Gap Band (”Outstanding”, “You Dropped A Bomb On Me”) so he’s pretty familiar with the spirit of hot and sweaty, cheese melting soul music. It’s all part of making sweet, sweet, love baby.

But when I first heard this song on WBEZ or WGCI or whatever, I thought it was one of those ironic, tongue in cheek, “this is the state of soul music these days” commentary songs. But when I heard it every day this week, the deeply sad reality started to sank in

It’s a real song. With a real producer. With a real record company behind it.

Some lyrical gems from this song are below:

Welcome to the Charlie show
tonight I’m going to be showing you things
that you never seen before.

So just sit back and relax
because tonight I’m going to be doing
some things no man has ever done to you baby

All you gotta do is dim the lights
and I’ll show you a trick or two

Now I ain’t no physic,
but I can see what you need, girl
And you don’t have to write it,
‘cause looking at your body I could read, girl
You’re giving me the eye
and it’s making me want you bad, girl
Turn around
now can you guess what’s in my paaaants…”

Hold up a second. “Can you guess what’s in my pants?” Is he serious? Perhaps it’s a rabbit. Or a shiny silver dollar?

What a cheese ball. Charlie Wilson - Magic