cat food

Originally uploaded by georgeaye.
Did I ever tell you about the time I got broken into? It happened just around Christmas 2004 and at the time I was living in a lovely part of Chicago and only a few months into my lease with a new room mate. My previous roomy is a good mate of mine and he moved out to live with his girlfriend. My new room mate I discovered on craigslist. That right there might be a red flag in some people’s books, but I really needed a room mate to help with the rent. She also had two cats. No biggie I said.

On first glance, she is a perfectly normal woman. Sensible and highly educated. On first meeting, you’d never think that she would become a complete liability or someone that would reset your idea of an idiot at all.

My room mate plans on going on vacation near the holidays and being considerate and thinking of me, she arranges for someone to come and feed the cats and change their litterbox. How thoughtful. Well, on the day that she’s ready to leave she realises that she hasn’t actually handed the keys over to her friend the cat sitter yet. So rather than wake me up and make me pass on the keys (still thinking of me!) she decides to mail them.

In an envelope.

With a return address.

And a note explaining that she’ll be out of town returning in a week.

Brilliant.

So of course, I don’t know that any of this happened until the next evening when I walk in with my girlfriend and find the whole apartment ripped apart. It took me a minute to even register that I’d been broken into. I then call my room mate to let her know what happened and see if she’s lost anything. And it’s then that I hear about the ingenius plan of mailing the keys. I have to explain that keys can and will get intercepted in the mail if you just put them in an envelope and hope for the best.

But I’ve been saving the best bit till last.

On the night in question, in middle of the kitchen floor amongst the tossed pots and pans, was a huge pile of cat food, literally spilling over from the bowl.

Since the thieves had all the relevant information they needed to rob me blind, namely that the house would be empty, they also knew that they cats would not be fed for a week, since they were in possession of the keys that would have let the cat sitter in.

Those thoughtful sons of bitches.

The cats would have been the innocent victims in all this.